let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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