suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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