Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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