Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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