you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
