i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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