ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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