Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
