people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
