just tell him i said nine months
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
