if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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