my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
