3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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