But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
4 words: hood of his car
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
