Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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