Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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