How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
