Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
