I just cut my nipple shaving
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
