it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
