A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
