i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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