you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
