omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
