I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
