I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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