Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
