it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
