how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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