I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
