Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
