just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
