I skipped work to stalk him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
