Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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