I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The feeling are messing with the penis
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
