Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
