My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
