you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
