It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
