found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
