My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
