I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
