My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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