then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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