oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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