I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
