and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
