I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
