She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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