Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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